i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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