go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I can text with my tongue
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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