I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
