Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
