i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
are you so shy because you have an std?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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