i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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