Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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