be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
