dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
