So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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