you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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