Got a toothbrush?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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