Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
