It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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