i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
