Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
