Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
