Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
