No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize