there's paper in my vomit.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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