Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
