Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
