Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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