Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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