Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
