She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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