You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
