Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
