So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
