Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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