Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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