My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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