Can Purell be used as lube?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
