remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize