Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
