I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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