Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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