My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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