Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
