I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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