omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
