I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
