Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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