i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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