Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
