So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
