he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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