Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
