Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What a dumb baby whore.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
