You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
