It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
