Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
