Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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