i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
