Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
