Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
