I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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