I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize