Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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