Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
