btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
