My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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