So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
